Itz a daMn fcuk up day... juz wan to go cry my heart out....
what's more to say? i really wanna cry out... but wat for? wats the point?
we r juz useless pple that are not worth workin with... wat bS from frenz to enemies..
itz not a bother to tell in advance, sort it out watever bS. stop being a male chav. to all males out there. freak. now i'm a freak.

pple may despite me, my works, my attitude.. watever bS. even so, i wan to control my own life and not let others control it.
i can find my way and not let others plan my route.. even if i'm dead.. forget abt it. i'm juz not worth it. fcuk it.

all abt the future, i;m freakinly concerned. face it. itz reality. every human is selfish. everyone juz think for themselves. fcukin humans.
i;m juz a bitch. worthless.. not even the concern of a past love, a fren, if there's any. Hiding in the shadows of cruelity. unfair. wats unfair. idiot. u;re juz not cut out to survive.

i'm breakin up.. into pieces.. into puzzles.. into someone.. not me. Shattered. the tears juz keep running.. stress.. but i can;t cry.. why?
feel so heavy.. need someone to rescue me.. yet.. sense of emptiness.. no one.

i dun feel like talkin.. i;m speechless.. wats there to talk.. i can;t even rescue myself.. time ticks by..
here goes, another fcukin day.

fcuk u and try the same fcukin nice day.


.:Jean Lee blogged on 11:44 PM:.
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Have been a real tiring day yesterday... 9am went to shoot an Esplanade scene... 11.30am went to marina Sq for lunch then rush down to School for CCF duty......
duty starts 1pm all the way till 5.30pm.. in da end, still hab to do 'OT' till 6.15pm.. make my mum wait for an hour at iKea..so met her at 6.45pm to go buy a bookshelf *finally*.. cost $139 bucks.. but relatively one of the cheapest among this size this range.. (all $200 and above) itz all DIY one.. expected..

went to collect it then call my father to drive taxi come fetch us.. he came and we went for dinner juz nearby.. first time i heard of Alexander Village (tot only got Changi and Holland V) My mum's collage reconmend her go AV there try the BBQ stingray and stuff.. Chan U reconmend one.. so we go there try.. Long quene man.. waited for 30 mins for the food.. but itz worth it.. reaLLy shiok man... I dun mind going back.. StiNgRay MUST tRY! SotoNg too! a*ah.. i;m hungry now...*

reach home liao abt 10.30pm liao... still hab to fix the shelf leh.. so many screws.. took me 2 hrs.. done at 12+ bUT still needa put all my books and stuff.. daMn messy man.. all sleep liao only me... i;m dead tired.. but muz pack finish. all the way, sweaty and slog to 2am. finally reasonably clean then go shower till 2.30 came out, on comp and did some Nodemap.. *daMn suppse to do more if not for packing and stuffz..* all da way till 4am.

Hectic Full day yeah? itz a 9AM - 4AM affair... any takers for 2nd rd?

Today also, despite desperate lack of sleep, hab to wakie ealry and go filiming at 9AM at Bukit Gombak... Shot all day till 4.30pm.. finally going home.. stop by breadtalk to buy dinner as Maid's off day and mUm's ouT and sis wanna eat breadtalk for dinner... ah.. finally got home.. then started 2nd rd of packing and touching up... still not all packed xia... but still can.. ah... Now then i can start my Node Map again.. arGhz... pengz pengz pengz...

.:Jean Lee blogged on 10:28 PM:.
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Day 100!! wow... did'nt know itz 100 dayz liao.. time really pass by FaST.
from tml onwards, wun be takin down the daYz liao... more ever.. might not even see my blogz eVeryday..
will be kinda bZ.. streSS is on da way....

Started fliming 'Foresight' today after school.. though tiring, i kinda enjoyed it.. esp. when u managed to complete it..
*can't wait..* well... but then.. now some many stuffz goin on.. hoho...
aRhg.. somemore my MUMI cannot make it.. re-do 3 times melody.. now mUz change whole thing incldiNg the drums.. T__T"
dun hab time to change... hiakz... dUes 2 weeks later.. plUz.. write up on 2-3 min clip.. T____T" *I haben start!!
hoho... tough time ahead.

.:Jean Lee blogged on 11:33 PM:.
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Day 98, rain again? wat a long day.....

hab class till 6pm today.. yep, 9am - 6pm...
last lesson was PCT... at last get to touch the CPU stuffz.. lots of statics and such.
didn't understand much at first... was bLur as usuaL.. but manage it bah.. hab to SURVIVE!

juz got to know my dad ask my mum for another $250 to go malaysia treat his hand... hiakz...
as usual......
my sis was so frustrated she practically 'shouted'
"why he must get money from you everytime? he dun have money himself meh? everytime like tat.. ask him go and die lah!"
Then my mum angry liao..
"how can you say your father 'die', he's your father anyway.."
More arguements.. then *banG* went the door.

these days.. fatigue seems to have got into me... getting restless....


.:Jean Lee blogged on 11:01 PM:.
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Day 97, rain... rain rain... rain...

itz stopped raining liao now... and i have come to face it.. it's Life.
Cherish it.. today you may see my daily msg.. lucky u..
Tomolo.. who knows? I maybe gone...
Tats why, Cherish every life, cherish yourself.. count yourself lucky if u can wake up and see the sun every morning..
Laugh now not later.. laugh loud and not keep it.. cRy if u feel like to... shouT if u can`
tats the sign of life.

itz gonna be a rushing season for the rest of the 6 weeks ahead...
And i shall face it, and STRIVE.




.:Jean Lee blogged on 10:49 PM:.
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U may think I'm a BiTCH, tat I would gladly like to break pplz heart juz with a BiTCH phrase 'Fcuk Off, i dun ever wanna see you again.."
Sorry, I dUn give a daMn.. i;m sO so daMMit sensative... sO dAMMit indecisive... sO daMMit trying to be fair... so daMMit trying to seek for truth..
ask me why i'm sad? doubt me why? I ask myself why... hOw you define why? lost? why? sad? why? ask? why?
god daMMit, i juz freakin dUn noe WHY.

I duN give a daMn, dUn fcukin, EVER ask me WHY.

.:Jean Lee blogged on 11:37 PM:.

Day 96, another boring day...

doing nothing... sleeping... Tv.... staring... sianz...

but one thing nice happen.. my mum had strike 4D. YeaH for mUm!!
But booz... for my dad... hiakz... family probs again man.. i hate this inbalance to da core....
mum earns more then dad.. dad hab this stupid character of frenz first family second.. anyhow spent his hard earn money on bets...
or i dun even knoe where's the money he earn... or did he earn any at all? he always ask money from my mum when he's tight i suppose...
he broke the rear window of my uncle's van.. as i expected.. he ask my mum for money to settle the $400+ fee..
he suppose to give my mum $50 to save up everyday... yet, my mum complain to me today that he had not been giving the daily $50 for 2 mths!
hiakz... wat a dad... are taxi drivers all like tat? i wonder... my fren's father is also a full time taxi driver, juz that he is driving in the Morning shift rather then my dad's night shift.. and my fren;s father earns enuff to support the family of 4... and only he workin wor... my fren;s mum not working... why... so many doubts...

Wong Li Hom's W-H-Y?

A Raging head, a doubting mind.. and a lost and heavy... heart.

.:Jean Lee blogged on 11:22 PM:.

Day 95, 'Chu Shi Wu', Yuan Xiao Jie also Chinese Vday...

try not to be so sad liao.. coz no pt.. like cryin' out for nobody... nobody listens.. nobody supports.. nobody...

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognise this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I've paid the price
I'm still paying for it every day
- Savage Garden - i Don't Know You Anymore

One of my SG fav... soothing.. yet...
Nice piano.. really.

.:Jean Lee blogged on 12:08 AM:.
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Day 93, 'Chu Shi San' As important as relationships are - and they are important - truly central to our lives - we all must find our own true selves and our own true paths in life - independent (to some extent) of our relationships.

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word
---
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word
-Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word, Music by Elton John, Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Sorry really seems to be the Hardest word.. don't you think so?

Life is here or elsewhere? Is abandonment the answer? Will I be happy after I did the purging, the cleansing, the refocusing?






.:Jean Lee blogged on 11:50 PM:.
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Day 92, 'Chu Shi Er' expected boredom all day......

did some rough sketchs on wat to do on MMAd.. itz so rough, when i look at itz again.. i dun understand wat i drew.. *gOd*
boredom all day.. watch discovery channel.. animal planet... MTV asia... AXN channel.. then switch to channel 8..
ah.. tV all day... *dragggg* =__=">

dunno why my left eye is twitchin so vigorously today... werid..




.:Jean Lee blogged on 9:11 PM:.
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Day 91, 'Chu Shi Yi' tries to change da moods....

nothing much... lost a CD and found it back... sch's as usual..

was in a so-so mood this morn.. so tot wanna change for da better.. went to watch Pinnochio afTer sch.. at 5.45pm
didn't know it is in Italian.. but it looks and sounds better in italian for this film.. not so bad.. some changes.. from a Whale to a Giant Shark instead...

tml's a P.H.. probably be slogging at home doing work... itz juz.. another day..

.:Jean Lee blogged on 10:43 PM:.
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Day 90, 'Chu Shi' feels like a 'shi' day for me.. cold.. dead.. yet.. alive

there are many thoughts running through my mind.. seeking for an answer... itz been days.. itz been weeks... yet i feel.. like i have own someone.. something.. somewhere.... pple start talking abt topics in sch.. topics which i can't decide.. which i can't answer.. which bring back memories... it hurts to be around..

probably itz juz a Sin to switch on the radio these days.. especially this week.. the very soulful day approaches..
heard on the radio 93.3.. someone wrote in, the pen name of 'Lou' cries his heart out for someone.. who does'nt belong to him no longer.. he doubts whether she loves him.. but still he cries his heart out for her.. wander if itz Louie..
the solem voice of the DJ as she read it out... i, myself, almost lost control.. juz hate myself being so sensative. librans are born under the star of Venus.. emotional, sensative... jUz dun like the feeling.. as the DJ plays a tearful song... guilt.. sorrow.. loneliness..

Broken relationships are hard to accept.. thats why i don't fall in love easily... coz.. i dun like anybody to be hurt.. the worst of all.. we can never be what we used to be....
if i knew.. i rather we juz be frenz.. so that.. till this day... we wun be like this.

Pardon me. Ignore everything.
itz just another mood swing.. another stress release... another... day.


.:Jean Lee blogged on 9:43 PM:.

Day 89, 'Chu Jiu' ChiNgay cOmes to South-West CDC which is at Jurong East MRT the clear field there... but i was at my fren's house so miss it liao...

i;m a little tired now.. juz had a shower.. feeling sleepy.. juz came back after 3 rds of visiting.. but only 1 ang bao.. cOz the other 2 went bfore liao..
played mahjong in da 2nd home.. ah.. i;m the sole LOSER.. haha.. peNgz.. lucky no play money... *maybe tats the reasOn* muhahahaha... itz ok to Lose sometime... =)

the 3rd home play moNopoly.. ah.. actually win one... a lot!.. then to the end.. i ran into a hotel area TWICE. each 10,000 xia... some more.. skipped 6000 worth of salary... peNgz.... ah... today juz not my day of winning.. lolx.. but time spent by quickly..

ah.. sleepy.. think after i check my mail i shall go conquer my bed.. ah.. nite nite...

.:Jean Lee blogged on 12:12 AM:.
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Day 88, 'Chu Ba' Itz da CHiNGaY festivaL.. eh.. but i didn't see.. lolx..

wah.. today fuLL day at sch man, started 9am got MMPJ lect juZ for 4 slides... then VEFX practical juz discuss with lecturer group project can go liao.. BUT
hab to stay back do MMAD group project.. cHIoNG and pia tiLL 5.30pm at sch!!!!

juz came back from my mum's peranakan fren nearby.. had dinner there.. not bad, the fried chicken wing in prawn paste is BAGUS man!

ah... i stiLL can't control The Sims.. muz hab my sis to guide me thru.. everything my character frustrated one.. haha.. heck lah.. not interested liao.. lolx..

i can't wait for tml! going a few sec frens house bai nian and play.. hehe... mahjong or playstation or card games bah? at least.. tml sounds like a daY off.. @^___^@>


.:Jean Lee blogged on 11:37 PM:.

Day 87, 'Chu Qi'
HAPPY belated? BIRTHDAY to EVERYONE!!!!! erm.. belated cOz now juz pass 12midnight? lolx...

ah.... juz came back from my fren's house after 2 rds of YusHeng... then she "force" as to help her mark her student's homework.. peNgz...
she relief teacher in primary sch teachin Math, English and Science for Primary 3 and 5.. prO hor? lolx... being a teacher bu jian dan.. especially after helpin her mark her student work... can vomit blood.... lolx...

ah... then played a few competitive rds of Bubble Puzzle on PS1.. then DDR... then.. my my.. itz 11.35pm liaO.. hoho...

haha.. so here i am.. back home after shower.. kinnda tired liao.. cOz i long day; sch's frm 8.30 till 5pm straight then some ore carry on with these activities.. peNgz..
gonna sleep soon.. ah.. tomolo like one whole day too! 9am-12.30pm gOt Make-up classes.. after that hab to do pRoject.. hoho.. ::x__X::>

.:Jean Lee blogged on 12:35 AM:.
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Day 86, 'Chu Liu;
nothing much.. ah.. today wakie very early.. cOz got class at 8.30.. tml also!! ah... ah.. =___=">
hohoho.. more assignments coming uP,

We Have,
MMAD - Task 2 (PresentatiOn), Task 3 Treatment, Task 4 Node Map, Task 5 Storyboard...
i think i will only start da treatment maybe this sUn night or next wk.. like no mood.. *hehe =P*
MMPJ - Heard abt we hab to form Groups... Project work also..
MUMI - Compose a 16 Bar "Tango" Piece with 6 instruments in Cubase and Find and Write down the notation for a 1-2min Movie Clip.. < xT__T"x>
StiLL got.. bUt i forgot liao.. settle all these firsT bah.. lolx...

manage to find a suitable web host to host/share my pics liao.. haha.. mY background and pic is finally back!!
spent so much dUmb time on this man.. sign uP for 3 web host to try ok! and only the 4th which ic AngelFire works.. hoho..
ah.. was building up my webby on dreamweaver Mx juz now.. looks weird.. ah.. siaNz.. muz hab faith.. soon to complete liaO..
then.. i Gonna chIong on aLL da AssIgnmentS!! CHiONg AH!!!!!!

eh.. tmolo Chu Qi liao.. People's Day, so Muz laO Yu SheNg ah~

.:Jean Lee blogged on 11:19 PM:.
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Day 85, 'Chu Wu'
mymy.. i'm fuLL. a BIg ThaNk Q to LestB's mUm.. da food is not bad.. steamboat.. hiazk.. but still something's missing.. kinnda like the quietest steamboat i ever ate...

eh today like nothing much... my picture webby is down.. that why can't see my background.. ah,, sianz...
anyone got free Fserver sites to reconmend that can host pictures for free and allows distribution?????

.:Jean Lee blogged on 11:49 PM:.

erm.. been really bZ ever since da CNY celebrations starts.. but really, this year like really no CNY mood...
all started off with...

Day 80, CNY EVE.
RAIN drops keep falling on my head.. yeah.. itz rain rain and more rain... Chinatown's flooded, we kinnda stranded at Big-Aunt's place.. like tat lor... no mood xia...

Day 81, 'Chu Yi'
Usual routine, first stop is always My Grandma's House. Everybody's there, even my 2 cousins! *coz my dad go fetch my big-aunt's whole family using the borrowed mini bus mah...* if not they always MIA, only see them twice a year, once in CNY eve, once Chu YI. next stop, my God-Grandpa's house, he;s my mum;s God-daddy,, then last stop, my Second-Aunt's place.. for the night... she's da richest, live in 3 storey terrence... my mum played mahjong, my dad sing Karaoke and me? played 3 hours of non-gamble Dai dee...

Day 82, 'Chu Er'
Cloudly... ah... i went to my ex-classmates house bai nian, since my mum like no program.. siaNz... but then when i;m there, they suddenly call me say going a college's house for lunch.. pEngz.. so went there.. after that i went to my other ex-classmate's house played 3 person Dai Dee then 3 person Mahjong, our bet very small one only 10 cents 20 cents.. we not workin adults lah.. peNgz.. didnlt sleep at all, marathon 32-Rds Mahjong. =__="

Day 83, 'Chu San'
erm.. i dun quite remember.. thik went to my mum;s college house.. hab very nice porridge and mee.. and my god.. a HUGE plate of YUshEng.. for 20++ people eat.. and itz HUGE. i think next stop went to a mum's fren's house at Punggol.. aRhgz, my dad park the mini bus in da multi carpark then ask him dun reverse too much in liao.. even if the mini bus protrudes out much.. he 'die die' want to reverse back.. barely one finger can go through between the rear glass and the barrier thingy protroding out at the back of the carpark slot.. maN, multistorey carpark design SUX. i'm running late to go to a fren;s house, so after my dad played finish his mahjong gonna sent me there and he himself going back to change and go to work.. DAMN. he told us to wait downstairs while he get the car. *piaNG* SHARKS. my sis say, 'hoho, muz be my dad."
DAMN. he hit da reverse shift and went straight into that Barrier at the rear. but the time he drove the car down, the rear window panel was shattered to piece. MY GOD. itz NOT my dad's car wor.. itz my Uncle's. hoho.. wat a CNY. i broke the rest of the glass pieces so that when we drive, the glass wun fly out..
hiakz.. sIanz xia.. my dad every time like tat.. there goes abt $600+ of repair and explanation to my unCle..
my dad drove me to my destination, we went off to buy some big plastic sheets to cover the back window.. wat to do? the garage will be closed till wed, which is tml lah..
then my dad drive off to my uncle's place let him see the condition.. *shakes head* Luo Di Kai Hua.
at my fre place, teach my other fren how to play mahjong.. he;s been losing eversince! poor thing.. 3 experienced girls to one Guy.. haha.. so i teach him.. he won back some money.. hehe.. actually lost $3 become lost $1.20 only.. lalala.. play till 12++ leh.. my mum call say wanna lompang my Dad's taxi home.. of coz take lah!
i;m like a walkin zombie.. =__=" almost 2 days i hab not touch my Bed. BTH. dun bother to argue with my dad over the Window accident too... sleep!

Day 84, 'Chu Shi'
ah..... sooOooo sleepy.. School start today... i skip TBCM tutorial today.. cOz i woke up late at 9.30.. suppose to hab lesson at 9am.. peNgz.. also late for MMPJ tutorial.. pengz pengz.. soOOo sleepy.. lucky today no PCT practical! so can go home earlier then i fLop to bed didn;t wake up till 8.45pm.. dinner. lolx.. ah.. i stiLL quite sleepy leh.. goin sleep soon baH.. hab to replenish!
tomolo going Lester cHaN's hse Bai Nian Dinner.. gonna bring some oranges.. ah.. sleep sleepy...

.:Jean Lee blogged on 12:03 AM:.
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